1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer
When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.
Mark Twain – [Compliments]
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
Mark Twain – [Age and Aging]
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
Mark Twain – [Majority]
Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.
Mark Twain – [Funerals]
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
Mark Twain – [Death and Dying]
Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Mark Twain – [Death and Dying]
Why was the human race created? Or at least why wasn't something creditable created in place of it? God had His opportunity. He could have made a reputation. But no, He must commit this grotesque folly — a lark which must have cost Him a regret or two when He came to think it over and observe effects.
Mark Twain – [Creation]
Wit and Humor — if any difference, it is in duration — lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently; but one is vivid, and can do damage — the other fools along and enjoys elaboration.
Mark Twain – [Wit]
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.
Mark Twain – [Wit]
Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.
Mark Twain – [Work]
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
Mark Twain – [Work]
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Mark Twain – [Smile]
Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood is what you were intended for.
Mark Twain – [Writers and Writing]
You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain – [Judgment and Judges]
You can't pray a lie.
Mark Twain – [Prayer]
You cannot depend on your judgments when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain – [Imagination]
You perceive I generalize with intrepidity from single instances. It is the tourist's custom.
Mark Twain – [Travel and Tourism]
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